Jealousy can be overcome, but we need to keep watch for it. Jealousy is neither an emotion nor an expression of love; it’s a thought pattern that indicates a sense of lack, loss or insecurity. It’s a reaction ingrained in our minds –our culture is saturated with stories of the One True Love, of the disgrace and shame of being a cuckold, of the gallant lover who wins back his girl from a lesser partner, or of the admirable, self-respecting woman who leaves her partner who fell in love with someone else… all happily ever after, of course. It’s bunk - conscious people can move beyond it.
I have to wonder why humans have this tendency to either possess another person or to feel as if the value of a relationship is tied to the quality of a partner’s other relationships. Maybe it comes from our animal side – where mating is a competition and the victor gets to pass along DNA. I really don’t know.
Successful polyamorists have made the switch in their conscious minds from a competition/scarcity model to one where love is an infinite and expanding resource. It’s not an easy change for many people, but it’s within everyone’s ability, should they feel ready to make it happen. I doubt that everyone would necessarily want more than one partner, but the ability to let go of jealousy can help all relationships, including platonic ones. With practice, it becomes almost innate and I'm sure there are some people out there who never feel it at all.
Something akin to the questions in the first paragraph came up today with one of my partners. It was a gut reaction to something and, most likely, my love’s need of sleep probably had a lot to do with it. I know we can talk about it and deal with it later though. We’re smart, rational people, but not robots. I expect we’ll deal with these issues throughout the years. The “open and honest communication” mantra of the poly community exists because it’s fundamental to relationship health, and acutely necessary when more than two people are involved.
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